Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
