I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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