At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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