ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize