We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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