Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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