Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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