Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
