not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
