listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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