drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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