please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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