If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
