i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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