i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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