You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
one two three fourrrrnication!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
