come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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