after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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