Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
