Apparently you make a good broom.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
