mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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