JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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