accomplished twins. life is a go
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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