dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
