you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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