Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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