She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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