Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
