i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
