so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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