if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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