So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
