oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
