Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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