This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
