Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
