shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
