I just made out with a guy for $7.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
