he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
