I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
