my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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