I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
