you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize