You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
