there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
