Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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