Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
