Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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