I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
