so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
