I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
