I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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