Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
