Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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