Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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