Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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