Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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