i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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