sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
