I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
