i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
