so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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