And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
