and you said cock pushups were impossible
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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