I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
