I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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