If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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