I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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