The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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