My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
