Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
