If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There r osticjed everywhere
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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