Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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