Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
