You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
